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About Monkey Kettle - FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

OKAY - WHAT THE FLIP IS MONKEY KETTLE?
Monkey Kettle is several things. Primarily, it is a poetry & creative writing magazine based in Milton Keynes, which comes out twice a year. It is also this website of news, reviews and stuff, all connected in some way to the magazine. However, Monkey Kettle can occasionally also stand for the team of a dozen or so local writers, musicians and artists who contribute regularly to the magazine and form the core of the content. Under the banner of Monkey Kettle this group publish other, standalone works (see the Monkey Kettle Press page for more details) ; regularly put on arts exhibitions in Milton Keynes; have occasional music and arts events in MK and much more besides, so it's a local arts concern as well, kind of.

BUT IT'S MAINLY A MAGAZINE?
Yeah, pretty much. It's usually 64 pages, A5 in size, and relatively cheaply produced black & white. We're a pretty lo-fi concern in most respects, run as best we can by a team of feckless dreamers... But our fans (such as they are!) tend to enjoy the DIY ethos, so that's all good!

HOW CAN I SUBMIT WORK TO MONKEY KETTLE?
Now you're talking. Well, you can email it to us at monkeykettle@hotmail.com- we used to have a PO Box a while back, but as the years went by and less and less people sent things by post, we closed it down as it was costing money we didn't have. Current turn-around means that we should reply to you within four to six weeks of receiving your submission to let you know if we can use it in the magazine. Sorry if it's occasionally longer, real life does rather tend to get in the way sometimes!

ARE THERE ANY SUBMISSION GUIDELINES?
Not as such - we do ask that you try and keep the amount down, maybe 5 - 10 poems at a time, for example, as it takes us a while to get through it all; or a short story of no more than 5 A4 pages (or it will be far too long for our tiny mag!). Our personal preference is for the funny, surreal, dark, poignant, political, a mixed bag really. What we don't like very much is whiny stuff about no-one understanding you. That's killing poetry, you know. Somebody once said.

DO YOU HAVE ANY LOCAL BIAS WHEN ACCEPTING SUBMISSIONS?
I'd be lying if I said we didn't tend to lean towards writers based in Milton Keynes and the surrounding environs - that's the world we operate in and that's the culture we're trying to help develop. But we've included hundreds of poems from writers all over the rest of the UK and from every continent (except Antarctica!! buck up, you penguins!!!) over the years. Current financial restraint means we can't send out free copies to overseas contributors any more - and are possibly a wee tad less inclined to include work from you at the moment - but if something is extra-specially good we'll usually find space for it...

AND HOW DO I GET HOLD OF COPIES? I WANT TO SEE FOR MYSELF WHAT YOU'RE BABBLING ABOUT...
Since Waterstones took over Ottakars in Midsummer Place we are currently without a legitimate retail outlet. You can usually find us at local poetry nights or festivals until we find somewhere more permanent. Or you could order issues directly from us - each new mag is currently £2, plus 50p postage and packing. Cheques can be made payable to Monkey Kettle.

DO YOU MAKE MONEY OUT OF THIS?  CAN I HAVE A JOB?
Ahahahahahahaha! No. In theory the mag kind of just about pays for itself, although we do have to help it along now and again. All excess funds (not that there have ever been any!) go directly back into the magazine. There's no point even asking us about work experience - Matthew does the whole thing in his bedroom on his own and jealously guards the Monkey Kettle vaults.

WHO'S BEHIND THIS ERRATIC OUTPUT?
The Magnificent Seven. Matthew is the ringleader, but the other Monkey Kettle Cowboys are currently (in alphabetical order so no-one gets offended!) Diane; Jim; Nikki; Phil; Simon D and Simon E. There's various things each of them do, and soon is coming an all-new Monkey Kettle Staff page. Soon. Honest.

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